Evaluation

Through my ESP1 project on gender I became interested in the roles and experiences of people due to gender, and one of the areas I found myself fixating on was toxic masculinity and aggressive behaviour. For ESP2 I decided to focus on my two older brothers, who have had a big influence on me, particularly when we were growing up. I had already made some work of them, portraits and a small series of them standing in the sea I made in the summer. I used this work as the start of the new body of work specifically exploring our relationship. I looked at my own family portraits to put some context to my project and something that stood out to me in the portraits was the lack of physical contact, as in not a single image are myself and my brother touching, our hands remain in our pockets or by our sides. This makes the images very awkward and uncomfortable. My reflection of these portraits was also informed by Sahika Erkonan’s Photography and the Construction of the Family and Memory. He talks about the ‘difference between memories and the images themselves’. This refers to the way in which photographs of the family can contradict the memories you have of them and therefore family images can often feel like lies. This was very present in my own family portraits. In the beginning, the photographer that influenced my practise was Trish Morrissey and her work of Infiltrating Beach Portraits, a series where she places herself in the role of the mother in other families and this work got me thinking about empathy through image making. Through this work and my own experimentation with self-portrait, where I dressed as my oldest brother, I begun to think about the way in which siblings are similar, and perhaps the things we have in common are the reasons for some of our conflicts. While I enjoyed this self-portrait as a form of process, I did not think the image was strong enough to continue the idea visually, instead it was more of an element of my own emotional connection to the work. I decided to focus on making portraits of my brothers in the beginning of the work, with the idea of perhaps including self- portraits later in the process, when it was more comfortable and I knew more about where my own place in the work was.

The work of Pixy Liao and Nelli Palomaki helped inform me about aspects of the power dynamic and control in sibling and other relationships, they were also visually informative as I loved the way in which they represented real experiences and elements of relationship in a staged and conceptual way. The way in which their subjects connect with each other in the images made me consider the lack of physical contact myself and my brothers had in our family portraits. I then used this idea of physical contact to visually represent our physical disconnect through awkward and uncomfortable touching, such as forced hugs and the grabbing of faces. The micro elements of the portraits became my favourite element of all my shoots, with Rowan holding Jacks face tighter, and Jack just placing his hand on top of Rowans head. These elements were a huge part of indicating the power dynamic between Rowan and Jack and solidified my research on the dominance of the older sibling. I was very pleased by these details that I had not influenced, but were natural aspects of the power dynamic being revealed.

Prophecy Coles was a key element of my work, as in Sibling Relationships she talks about issues such as ‘emulation and rejection’ in sibling. This inspired my work with my sister as she copied my hair. I was very happy with this idea, and feel that I represented the theme well. Part of the work was documentary, as my sister had emulated me, and part of the work was conceptual representation in the way that I shot the portraits. I also made the triptych of myself, Rowan and Jack, all dressed the same sitting in my old room. This also created a feeling of a lack of identity, which is another issue when being part of a family of many siblings, or overpowering siblings. Sibling can often be referred to as somebodies ‘sister’ or ‘brother’ as appose to by their name. Moreover, these portraits were not only revealing to the viewer but revealing to myself, as I detached myself from my own self-portrait, I realised how similar these three people were. I was very pleased with the way I managed to mix a documentary style way of shooting with conceptual representations.

Through my experimentation with moving image, I realised another way in which the work could be expressed. I filmed split-screen style pieces which replicated the diptychs and triptychs I had previously made in still photography. The moving image depicts myself and my brothers on the beach, near where we grew up, looking at each other. I wanted to literally separate each other, to isolate each of us in our own space. These videos are very simple, however I imbedded certain themes within the pieces such as fighting and the feeling of being a spectator. I did this because I felt that showing my brothers in a video along-side still photographs added more life to them and subtly created a narrative and film-like atmosphere as the viewer can hear the beach when looking at the work. I was very pleased with this element of the work, as I have never made moving image before, and feel that it creates another dimension in the series. I feel as though the viewer will be able to empathise with the work more by hearing the beach as it gives myself and my siblings more context to where we are from. I experimented with a variety of self-portraits, different locations, and different ways of lighting. I began the work with on location lighting, which I also used for the moving image, but felt that the photographs looked too manufactured, and therefore went on shooting in natural light. I shot some digital images for testing light and framing, however throughout the project focused on film.

I also experimented in my image making process. Due to the work being personal, the way in which I made the work was very important. After speaking with tutors, and having a portfolio review with Maja Daniels, and through my research into Pixy Liao and Nelli Palomaki, I considered the power dynamic between myself and my brothers; the power the camera gave me. I therefore experimented with seeing how far I could push this power dynamic in the shooting process (shoot: The Power Dynamic). I feel that this was a very important experimentation that informed me about the truth of our relationship, and through pushing them in the shoot, I realised how much they would embarrass themselves for the sake of my work. My siblings were helping me without gaining anything, simply because they loved me. This was very important to me, and through my conversations, previous work, and this shoot, I reached this realisation. The meanings and themes behind the work were still present, however there was now a new dynamic of understanding, which has allowed for the possibility to make work showing this development and progression.

I found the lectures, seminar and tutorials immensely helpful through this module. Due to this work being very personal, I vocalised a lot of the issues I had had at the start of the work; about how myself and my oldest brother weren’t speaking and about feeling lonely and separated when I was younger. I then vocalised my interest in the power dynamic, and finally, the resulting relationship dynamic changes. Being able to speak openly meant that I would be able to represent work comfortably, which gave me more freedom. I felt very engaged for the module and was given good information in my tutorial sessions that informed the work, such as Sibling Relationships by Prophecy Coles and photographer Nelli Palomaki, which were both very influential on my work. Something I found particularly helpful was my portfolio with Maja Daniels, which I organised after seeing her work Monette and Mady, a project about identical twins. Daniels spoke to me about the way in which I shoot, and my use of location, particularly using outside space compared to inside space. This was not only helpful for the current project, but helpful regarding my future in photography.

With this series, I have applied to the British Journal of Photography’s competition, Female in Focus: An Award for Women Photographers. I felt that this project is relevant to this competition as I am a woman depicting aspects of men through a woman’s perspective. Women are often represented by men however I have used my own thoughts, feelings and experiences to express the effects of being a woman with two older brothers. I feel as though many other women with older brothers will be able to relate to elements of the project. I also feel that the aspects of the project about my sister are relevant for this competition, as I very specifically cover issues such as half-siblingship and the emulation of younger and older sisters. While it is resolved for the time being, is an on-going project. I feel that my aim for the work changed as the project went on. Initially, I wanted to use photography to reveal aspects of a relationship I struggled with, however the actual photo making process became an important part of the work and as the more I shot imagery, the more my relationship with my brothers developed into something more positive. In the future, I would like to continue to make this project and change the images accordingly to the ways in which the dynamics change. Much like Pixy Liao, the relationships depicted are always changing, and new elements will arise. I would like to eventually make a book for this work which I see being an interesting photobook depicting another type of sibling relationship. Due to the person nature of the project, I appreciate how its relevance for others may be slightly less, however I do feel that some of the issues I have covered are relatable for others. It is for this reason that I feel the work could be presented by a photography organisation, such as the British Journal of Photography, and displayed in exhibition or online, along with written material that will explain my reason behind the work, the different dynamics of brothers and sisters and my experience of shooting it.

I have decided to exhibit eight images, ranging from size A0 square, to size A4 square. I will also present two screens showing two moving image videos played on a loop, which will be accompanied by diegetic sounds of the beach. The images will be in a more structured style jazz hang as I felt this would be a good way to highlight aspects of each image in the best way. Moreover, my use of diptychs and triptychs means these images will be presented smaller so the work is not too repetitive. I will use black frames and white frames to show pieces that connect with each other, such as the portrait of myself and my sister connecting with the moving image of my two brothers, which will be the images with the black frames. Overall I am very happy with the outcome of the work at this point, I feel that I was very well informed when making the work and therefore the feeling I had were backed up by people such as Sahika Erkonan and Prophecy Coles. Something about the work that was surprising was the importance of the process and the way in which my attitude towards the work developed, and while the project is resolved for this time, I look forward to its further development.